Matt Haupt March 2, 2013 How To Fix Anything In Your House One of the “great” things about home ownership is that sometimes things go terribly wrong and as a husband you “get” to “show off” your “manly” skills to your wife. If you are new to the whole marriage game, or even the whole home ownership thing, there are a few simple steps one can follow to fix anything in the house. Step One: Concerned Facial Expression and Professional Mumbles When a problem arises and you are with your wife, fixate your stare on the area or contraption that is causing problem(s). Look puzzled but not dumbfounded as you want to look like you are running through the mechanisms of the problem in your head. Then, mumble something under your breath using words like “structure”, “component”, and “up-to-code”. Step Two: Start Fiddling The goal here is to get your wife bored enough that she will leave you to what needs to be done after you reassure her, “I got this.” Step Four: YouTube.com Figure out the name of what is broken, type it into YouTube’s search bar preceding the words, “How To Fix” Step Five: Get Frustrated Realize that you are better at playing video games, perusing Facebook and watching football than doing anything remotely close to “handyman” work. Get extremely annoyed with people on YouTube that make things look so easy. Watch funny cat videos instead. Step Six: Take Off Work Tell your wife you need to take off work because you need to focus on the project at hand, need to buy parts from Home Depot, etc. Step Seven: Google Repairman in Area Have another dude do the work for you, while you get to watch cat videos on YouTube all day. Step Eight: Bask in Glory Once completed and wife comes home, explain how complicated the task was and that she shouldn’t have to worry about the details since it is now done. Ask about her day and “listen” while watching more cat videos. Step Nine: Awards Prepare for “Husband of the Year” nominations.