Yes. But hold on…

“Grudgingness” is an actual word (I think). At least this is what Google tells me. I’m not sure if Google has studied the English language extensively, but he (or she) seems to be right in other areas of study, so why not this one?

Grudgingness – full of grudging – being grudgeful – holding a freakin’ grudge.

It’s just not a good looking word — “grudge”.

And at the same time, it doesn’t ever feel good to have grudges. I’m not sure I have heard one person say to me,

Matt, this person has harmed me in the past, and I am so happy that I hate this person so much. It has made my life complete. Thank God that person hurt me, because I would have never felt this happiness! HALLELUJAH!

Yes. That is a completely realistic statement that I have never heard. Not once.

So why do people hold grudges? It is a reflex of some sort? Your sticks and stones hurt my bones (and more), so now I’m bringing on the hate, FOREVER!

I was thinking about the Grinch right now and how his name looks an awful like Grudge. We all know what happened to Mr. Grinch (who held a grudge). He was taken advantage of by dog-like people who attach the word “who” to ordinary everyday words for no apparent reason. Let’s learn a lesson from that story. Nobody wants that.

But listen – I know grudges seem to be all fun and dandy, and you may think that you are inflicting absolute pain on the person who you are grudging, but let’s be honest here, you’re not.

The people of Who-ville where pretty effin’ happy – with or without the Grinch (until he started wreaking havoc, but that’s BEYOND a grudge).  The people you are holding a grudge against? 9 times out 10 are not effected by your hate as much as you think.

So where does that leave you and your grudgingness monster?

Having a pity party together.

The worst party ever.

My solution that I am just beginning to take hold of myself at this EXACT moment (or many moments ago if you read this in like 2015 or something):

Each day I wake up, I will not remember ANY wrongdoing that was done against me.

So that gives me a day to be mad, upset, pissy about something that happens, but once I wake up, it’s out the window.

Seems easy right? Who freakin’ knows. It may be easy, but not a lot of people are doing it.

Please Note: If you have a “friend” that repeatedly steals your significant other from you, drugs you, lies to make you look stupid about things, or is just overall an evil human being – you may want to not hang out with that person as much.

That does not mean you need to hold a grudge. Just respectfully realize that they are different, and are evil, and move on to brighter pastures (or whatever is a better location for you; for some reason a cow-filled pasture may not be “brighter” to most individuals).

Happy times!

Half the time I am reading (or now listening to, thanks to some maneuvering from my older sister) these books because of one, maybe two, reasons:

How the hell are these authors making money off of these books?

And sometimes when I am feeling financially depressed:

How can I write a book like this, make millions of dollars and live on Lake Michigan – retired, swimming and boating everyday?

This is about the time I visualize myself in my local Biggby’s, dreaming up the next big self-help regurgitation. Somehow the smell of coffee beans and indie music mesh into your brain making you the best and brightest author in the world right?

Maybe?

There is a small thought process I go through when I read/listen to the most popular self-help books out there. I say small – because lets be honest here – my thoughts are not anywhere near “big”.

A) The introduction is a lot more uplifting and persuasive than the rest of the book

I honestly feel you can read maybe the first few chapters of any self-help book – get the gist – and set it right back down. Think about it. You read the introduction about how this book is the best thing since sliced bagels and you get this overwhelming comfort that you made the best decision in the world to purchase and start reading the book.

Talk about your remedy to buyer’s remorse.

(What is even funnier is books about financial troubles that need to explain and re-explain that the purchase of this book is not a bad financial decision and that you will save more by spending that $25 on the book they wrote than not. Sure.)

This intro is usually mixed with some type of “revelation” the author had at some point in their lives when they were “just like you”. And now – they are nothing like you. They are awesome. Their life is awesome. And you can be awesome just like how awesome they are, just by using these awesome tips and thinking these awesome thoughts.

The kicker? You start thinking your life is going to be better. And magically it is. Not at all because you are now thinking positive thoughts about your life (sarcasm included in prior statement)

(Until of course, you hit another rough patch, realize the book sucks, and search your Barnes and Noble shelves for something that is a little more “legit”.)

B) Regurgitation of what we deep down already know

First – I know I have said “regurgitation” twice in this post. I like the word. Get over it.

Second – I like the word so much that I have the canny inability to spell it correctly. I have typed it 4 to 5 times each time I wrote it, and then went to my spell check. Ugh – technology is making me dumber.

Okay to my point. I go through the same thing most people do when reading these type of books.

“Holy freakin’ shit – this guy/girl is right on. I can’t believe I never thought about it that way before.”

But the truth is – I guarantee you have thought about it “that way” before. We just for some reason needed someone else to justify our thoughts.

Internal Thought: I really need to stop spending money on frivolous items that I don’t need.

Self-Help Book You Just Bought: “Make a list of items that you really need to purchase and stick to that list. Do not purchase things that you don’t need.”

Internal Thought While Reading Said Self-Help Book: OMG WTF, they are so right. I really do need to stop buying things I don’t need. LOL. Awesome!

C) Why Do I Still Read These Things?

I get to about half way through, maybe all the way through if the book is well-written and keeps my attention, and start to ask myself, “Should I really be reading these types of books?”

Or more realistically, “Matt you just wasted hours on a book that you’ll forget about in about a week.”

It’s true. I probably will. So why do I continue to read them?

Because I am crazy. Or maybe just hopeful. Hoping I’m going to read something that eventually does resonate with me longer than the time it takes to read the book.

But mostly, I think I read these things because I think that everyone needs a reminder to think about themselves once in awhile. Not the whole narcissistic, the world revolves around me thinking. More like the, what do I really want out of life right now, what makes me happy, what makes me unhappy-type of thoughts.

To be honest – these books are not going to give me the answers to these questions. But they do force me to think about them a little bit more.

And that is the first step to a better, more productive life.

(At least that is what the last self-help book told me. Oh man, I think I might have just opened a time-continuum black hole or something?)

So if in 5-10 years you see a book entitled, “Self-helping the Self-helpers” or some other weird non-sensical title, by yours truly – don’t be mad at me.

I’m just trying to make you ponder about more than just how The Situation actually can form complete sentences with a brain filled with tanning oils, creatine, made-up words and an ego the size of the moon.